why is it always my fault?

my work

my school

my family

my friends

my love life

random ppl

everything

Everybody is so ready to point finger at me?

Did i expect too much?

i guess i did..

Then i shld do away with it...

haiz.. I've had enough...

I shld go on a hiatus..

right

about

now

today's thoughts...

1) the world functions on self interest. Everybody is downright selfish. Its actually natural. Pft!

2) I am walking on a very sharp blade today. May the lord be with me.

3) I'm so over u! thank god. and gd riddence.

4) Dont you think its time to get that fire up and bright ? the exams are nearing.

5) You can't be like this forever u no? move that bum and get the prjs moving faster than that snail pace will ya?

6) I'm glad its you now. I have more confidence in you than in her

7) There you go again. I feel used. yet i love u so..

8) I really need to change my job.

9) i feel fat all over again

10) the promise is broken.

I saw him today... that man.. bastard!

and my poor dad things he's a trusty pal of his...

if only he knew..

you! you! you .. oh and you! IN the BIN! yes!

damn .. how i wish!

anyhowzzz.... still good riddance and FUCK YOU!


ah....
I FEEL LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS!

RAGE ! VENGENCE! PAIN! SCREAM!! this is all thats running in my head!

Why is it that you ppl are so freaking consumed with wat you see; wat u think and wat u feel! Why is it that i must always take into consideration all about wat u all are...
when U! dont give a darn damn abt me!

Suddenly appear and disappear.. and expect me to cradle and adore u the same!
dont i have a hearT!?! if u've got those swings as to when u want to avoid me and when u need me..
lemme give u one fine advice! SAVE ME THE trouble! i have no time for your juvenile nonsense! trust me i am more than u think i am!

About the only two ppl in the world who know me in and out... understand almost everything abt wat i am gg thru.. i love u and i love u.. god's gift ! i hope to treasure all my life..

call me when in need.. when in need of a hearing ear! all u freaking do is complain about your life! then?! am i forgotten?!! every now and then u just pop up! does it occur to u that i have my own probS?! dont u trust me enough... dont u trust what i am to you!?! u think i go to that extend that i did for u for those bums?!! how can u compare yourself with them?!! i wonder... wat i am to u..

Why?! why must i lie?! i love you! but i cant be with you! u no why?! cos u plain simply F'ed up with my life! it'll be down right dumb to love u the same! i hate u and your family! AND how much u deny it... U ARE A SINKING SHIP! AND I DONT WISH TO SINK WITH U! period!

You both oni have feelings issit? why? do i look like plastic? does it occur to u that i am suffering way way much more than you both! I TRUSTED U GUYS!!! i'd DIE for u both! remember?!! you said u knew better! IS THIS WAT I GET?!! for entrusting my life .. upon your need to hold your head up high? huh? why ... why.. i'm never good enough right? i'm better off e dead cute gal than to be a walking failure in your life.. really! but i just dont have the guts!i no... u'd rather jump down then to ... i'll nvr forget that.. i nvr will.. down to my grave!

i can nvr thank god enough... i wish i can express myself more to u.. but i know it'll hurt... or it might jsut disappoint u to see how disturbed i actually am.. i love u both alot... being you both makes me forget all the shit in my life.. i cannot feel any more secure with anyone else than i do with u guys...

you snivelling liar! U hypocrite! ya i no you care... u care cos its got to do with u! u're a bitch in my life! You think you've swept everything under the carpet... u think u can play punk between us.. u think u've got it all safe kept well undercover... here 's a news for u! NOT!!! i no u panic every time we meet... and i no why! ha! we've bbeen there done that... seen too much of your kind! let me warn u! play more punk... and your whole charade will flunk right b4 ur eyes!

You are one thing that makes me smile. wat wld i do w/o u...

You all think i sit and pity myself issit?!! think i am weak issit? think i am like any other gal?! I AM NOT! give me time! i'll show all u idiots wat i am made of. i have my loved ones.. i love them with all my heart... and with all due sincerity.. i no who all are there for me for real... who care w/o any ulterior motive... i no who u guys all are.. i also know those of u who think of me so lightly... and intend to punk ard with me. dont underestimate me.. with my face and my smiles! deep down i no i am sth special... and trust me.. i can sense if there sth not gd about you... i may not show it to u.. but i will be very aware of u. feigning ignorance is my strength.. but it all ends at a point.. beyond which i will have no reservation on how i will treat u! I dont care abt those who dont give a damn abt me.. i can forgive those who hurt me unknowingly... but i'll nvr forgive those whomi've ever trusted in any way and still can even in the teeniest bit intend to hurt me knowingly... dont think i dono who u all are.






Basically : just dont bitch with my life! COS I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!!!

That dull pain...

Makes me wana scream my heart out!!!

"Someone once told me, to get out of bad situtation, the key is to give it everything you've got to make it work. And if it still doesn't, get out and never look back. "

This.. i got it from someone else's blog..

Its easy for a third person to look at me and say.. my god u are strong..
All i can say is... i am as weak as the pain i feel every day..
Strength now seems alien to me..
i have no choice really... cos there is no such thing as giving up..
Its this way.. or that way...
either way.. its a fight..

Its see my loved ones constantly consumed by the pain they feel for me ...
little do they know of wat its actually like for me.. being me.. feeling me..

Hear my heart... and u'll no how fragile it is..
Hear my inner screams and you'll hear the rage ...
Hear my soul's voice.. and u'll feel the despair and e cold..

I feel constantly heavy ... and i've been literally dragging myself through the every day..
I can't fight anymore.. Everyone of u have taken a piece of me...
really i barely have enough left of me to fight anyone of u...
i'm better off alone actually... yes its lonesome..
but by far more peaceful...

All of u are consumed about your own thoughts and feelings and life ahead...
i'm not asking you to sympathize with me..
all i ask is not to further burden me..
i've already got so much at hand...

i can't bear anymore than this..

Why wldn't anyone understand?

Whats love?

Why do u ppl do wat u do to me...
just leave me alone ..
haiz..

Today is going to be one of those F'ed up days where anything and everything goes wrong... and almost everybody is stepping on your already damaged toes... and the loved ones ard you wriggle the life out u in your nerves.. and your BP shoots to a pt when whatever you do or say is deemed as irrational.. and your heart thumps in fear of what may happen... and your soul is not in peace.. that you can get tired from all many events in your dreams whilst your sleep.. and you have just one thing coming up ... that u wish nvr to face... yet u cld feel it in the gut for the past few days..and you know u have no choice..

yes.. the disastor has arrived.. hold fast!
come what may...
i shall previal..



P.S. those who know me.. do yourself a favour. Save yourself the trouble of being burnt by the flares of my upcoming rage in any way... ya.. stay away from my sight or fight. thankew.