the end is nearing... but the intensity of the pain grows.. will it ever stop?

felt like yesterday when it all happened.. and its been 6 months..
I have no say or no need to question why it all happened..
I don't want to know either..

My heart is stoning.. i can feel it... it just randomly made the owner shed tears yesterday.. i had a gut feeling that .. that was my last... more like a preperation for the many more disappointments and heartaches and tough times ahead... i know its gg to be a rough ride... how rough i don't know.. but rough enough to possibly break me... i know ..

I don't feel as strong as i felt i was a while back.. It all drained.. its tough.. cos no matter what, i no i am on my own...family and friends saying that they will b there for me doesnt seem convincing or look like something i can count on.. ultimately.. its my decision.. whatever actions and consequences henceforth is for me to decide or tolerate...

Some things are simply not in my hands...

like how lonely i feel... with that empty space.. which i know can nvr be filled in again...

like how much anyone cld sympathize and console.. yet i can nvr feel any better...

like how much i need to be alone .. when i feel down.. and anyone who doesnt gets the brant of it

like how i barely have any tolerence for anyone who tries achieve what they want at the expense of my life/heart/thoughts/feelings etc...

like how i can see all of you are selfish ... but i dont mind.. cos i no its natural.. just dont make me a part of it..

like how i wish i can convince u that i've had enough in my life.. and just to leave me alone..

like how i feel like a stranger in my family sometimes...

like how i cant laugh from my heart like i used to...

like how i can cry so much and in the end feel the same old dull pain...

like how i am human... and i can er..

like how i actually have a heart a mind and a conscience.. and i can actually feel as crumpled and limp as i feel now..

like how so much has changed.. and i had nth to do with it.. yet it's all abt me

like how i am helpless abt it..

like how my life turned out lately.

There is only one ...
who's my salvage..
That is the lord himself..
Trust me, he nvr failed me..
Noone can touch me with him by my side..

Try and F with my life.. he'll F yours urs up... period.
don't say i didnt warn ya..


P.S. i'm never going back to u... cos i know you do not have my best interests at heart.. i have no fear.. cos my conscience is clear..